Sep
30
Labor Stories
Posted on September 30, 2012
Maybe this is a bit of rambling… even a bit of ranting, perhaps. First, let me say and fully express that every woman’s choice of child birth is her own (as well as her mate’s? OK, don’t shout me down here), but seeing so many women excitedly reject epidurals and c-sections as well as opting for at-home-deliveries these days, has been eating at me in a way that belittles my own experiences. Not because these choices are being made, NO, but because I’m seeing so many women put down the former alternatives as though they are somehow… the negative choice to make. It’s easy to feel shy when women around you say, “I didn’t use drugs to deliver my child” as if they did a better job. Or, “I told my doctor NO c-sections” as if women want c-sections (do they??).
Listen, sometimes we do what we gotta do. Let me share my childbirth stories (that I’ve kept private until now) so that you might have a better idea of what I mean…
Midnight. 12:58am to be exact, I crawl into bed after talking with my mother, 9 1/2 months pregnant with my son. My stomach feels enormous, it IS enormous. Even my belly’s skin burns. My hips ache beyond all reason and I can barely take it anymore (Yep, welcome to pregnancy). I have just two days until my due date… ‘why isn’t he here yet’, I’m thinking. And I pray, exasperated and hopeless: “God, I’m done. I just can’t take it anymore”. And like a cliche scene from a movie, my water instantly bursts, soaking the bed beneath me as I’m climbing in beside my sleeping husband. My reaction is severe to say the least, and my husband jumps out of bed to rush us to the hospital.
When we arrive, we still have some time to wait though. They run through their usual questions and procedures and we wait. And wait. It turns out my baby will be delivered by my doctor’s business partner… which is hard on me, as I am ridiculously modest (especially at the time) and I have not seen him prior. Point is, we are unfamiliar with each-other… and what should have been a planned c-section was not, since my regular doctor felt as though I should be able to deliver my son vaginally (which this new doctor would later insist the opposite – hence, scraping my membrane several times for the last few weeks).
When it was nearly time to push, I did request an epidural. It seemed to help at first, and pushing seemed normal. During my 12 hour delivery with my son, things started to take a turn for the worse… and the drugs completely wore off. You could tell by the doctor’s and nurses reactions, something was dreadfully wrong. I couldn’t push him out. There is a horrible feeling inside your gut to admit that, to admit defeat. I also started to loose so much strength, that I fainted. They woke me up, talked me into another epidural and I continued pushing again. I am truly thankful for that second epidural, because it helped me regain some composure and try again. This time, I was able to get the crown of his head out… but obviously, that’s not enough. The second epidural was wearing off too, and by now it was up to the doctor to take control with his hands and make sure my son wasn’t lost that day (by pulling him out himself).
When they finally pulled him out of me, with a gaggle of nurses pushing and shoving on my tummy, he was frozen. Purple. Breathless. They denied Thomas’ the pleasure of cutting his umbilical cord or for me to hold him… they swept him away as soon as he entered our world, and worked hard to bring him back before he could just as quickly depart. The great and beautiful news is, they succeeded. Although my baby boy was kept in special care and had a high white blood cell count, he was healthy (not to mention HUGE) and ready to go home after only 4 days in the hospital. And although I was just left with a little tearing (ok, stage 5 tearing – the worst) I was lucky too, for there was risk of me hemorrhaging and dying with him.
My doctor recommended, or to be more precise, insisted that my next child would be delivered by Cesarean (maybe you can remember back to me knowing the day and time I would have Ayla, but some of you were confused why I was so ready for her to come on her “due date”). “You gave me a ton of grey hairs”, he said. “If you have a child in the future, I advise that you have a c-section… to protect both of you”.
Fast forward 4 years… Surprise! I’m pregnant with a beautiful baby girl (ahem). I have a new doctor now, but he is friends with my former doctor and fully trusts his judgment on possibly having a c-section. However, he allows me to make the choice… and doesn’t recommend one thing or another. To cut this novel short, I did eventually choose a c-section – But it was one of the hardest, most emotional and difficult decisions I’ve ever made. I read a lot of horror stories… and saw a lot of gruesome photos. But I did what I did, because I put my daughter first in fear of repeating my first experience. Who knows if this time would be better or… worse. I’m happy to say, it ended up being such a quick and simply surgery, with Ayla out and in my arms in under an hour – ready to nurse as soon as they handed her over to me. Minimal scaring, and super quick recovery.
No, c-sections aren’t natural… but I am grateful we have that option, and I’ve really learned to respect what doctors are capable of in that field. There are times I wish that my first delivery could have been “natural”, but actually… it kind-of was. I had two epidurals which wore off so quickly, I fully experienced my labor. But in all honestly, you are “experiencing” your labor no matter whatever way you choose to have your child delivered. I would like to say it was beautiful, well, I would rather say that my son is beautiful. And my daughter is beautiful. And the funny thing is… my scar is beautiful. I used to dread the idea of a c-section, but honestly… this tiger’s earned her “stripes”.
All of our (birthing) stories are beautiful. THE END.
S U N D A Y S
Thank you for posting this! I don’t have children yet but I’m always interested in hearing different women’s birth stories. =)
Thank you Alyssa! Hopfully I didn’t scare you too much… I’m always worried about scaring new (potential) mothers! My story is a little on the rare side… so I’m sure you’d be fine! hehe ^_^
Love,
Aya
Your son is a smurf, like me. :) I was a nice purply-blue when I came out into the world too, and that’s how I got my pet name, “Smurf.” Obviously, they got me breathing too, but my mom and dad were sent into a wild panic as the midwives were considering emergency C-section, but the doctor was like, “Her head is in the canal…too late!” (I was born in West Germany; C-sections are used for emergencies or for medical necessity only there!) My mom has many pleasures recounting my birth to me. Yep, I may have gotten stuck in the birth canal, I may have been born blue and with a giant bruise on the left side of my face due to being stuck, and then I may have gotten jaundice, (and I may have been born 3 1/2 weeks early) but I was a tough little kid from the get go!
Sometimes, you need a C-section because it’s medically necessary. I can’t imagine how scared your husband was that first time. I would have opted for the C-section too! That’s just scary!
And, I’m sure you have plenty of pet names for both of them, whether it comes from how they were born or not!
My goodness! I’m so happy you are ok! It’s funny to think when my boy is all grown up, he will be sharing his story himself similarly to how you are no! :)) Thank you so much for your encouragment, sweetie!
Love,
Aya
You’re welcome.
Maybe Lucien should be a Smurf for Halloween, to honor his birth. Ha ha ha. :)
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story with us Aya…and also…can i just say, I’m so honored you wrote on my blog~~~ seriously — i’ve been stealthily following your blog for couple years at least now…
-liv
http://chocolivlovelaugh.blogspot.kr/
Oh! Thank you so much, lovely!!! I get so absorbed in life that I forget to read up on my favorite blogs and leave comments… sorry it took me so long!
Love,
Aya
Thank you so much for sharing! It’s so refreshing to hear the opposing argument to natural home births as I have always thought the same. We are so fortunate to have clever doctors with the knowhow to make it easier and safer for us and our little ones.
So sorry you had to go through such an experience in order to tell this story but amazing that you have two amazing children as a result.
Fingers crossed for me in February :)
You’ll do GREAT Nadia!!! Just keep true to yourself and be filled with peace…. and you’ll do JUST FINE! ^_^ Congratulations, lovely!
Love,
Aya
Hey Aya, great post, thanks. I cannot believe people have the audacity to judge you in this situation. I don’t care for this ‘natural’ concept that people like to push on others, it’s anti-scientific nonsense in my opinion (Lol, can you tell I’m a scientist?). There are plenty of natural things in the world that are harmful, things are not necessarily inferior because they are ‘unnatural’. You made a responsible choice- weighing up the risks vs benefits presented to you by your doctor(s). That is the best thing one can do in that situation. xx
Thank you, sweetie! I agree! Sometimes people makes these types of things into a competition :(
Love,
Aya
Wow! So touching to read! And so glad you are all OK! I so agree with you on the part where “everyone else” sort of say that the best thing for your baby is to do it all “natural”. We are all so different, and what is right for me isn´t necessary right for another. When I gave birth to my daughter, I had an epidural. But when the time for pushing came, the doctors registered that her heart-rhytm wasn´t how it should be. So they actually had to pull her out – thank God! Fortunately everything was ok with her. But when I later talked to a friend about giving birth (she had gotten a daugher not long before) and told her that the doctor had to pull the baby out, this is what she said: “They didn´t do that on me. I had to do all the work myself”. I was stunned that someone could say such a thing, and it took me a while to understand that I did a 110% great job with bringing my daughter into this world. So, listen to yourself and not what everyone else says – that has become my motto ;)
By the way – I love your blog :)
Thank you so much, April! Your delivery sounds scary too @_@ I’m so so SO glad that she came to you healthy and happy! In the end, we just want to meet these ‘little loves of our lives’… but how they come isn’t so important :)
Much love,
Aya
sorry… my post was overly passionate :)
heehee! I love pasion :)
I tried to do the no drugs/no epidural thing with Leto. I didn’t dialate at all though and had to be induced because I was so far along and he was so huge (born 9 lbs 14 oz). I fought off drugs for 16 hours before giving in to it ALL for the last 6 hours. It was heavenly and I am glad I did it. I realized that I had to humble myself and say, “I am not in control and there is technology out there to help me.” Because I didn’t dialate one bit until 30 minutes before giving birth, it would have possibly caused Leto to die if they didn’t force my body to go into labor.
I remember you sharing your story with me a couple of years ago about Lucien, and it is such an amazing and touching story. I agree with you. Too many times women say, “I did this without it all!” and they boast instead of just sharing it as it is. 3 of my close friends gave birth to children naturally without drugs and they did an amazing job, but they never boasted to me or made it seem like they were better than me for getting drugs, and I love that about them. Two of those women since had complicated labors that needed c-sections, and they wish they didn’t have to have them, but it saved their children’s lives.
When I had Micah, I told them ahead of time I needed to be induced, just so I wouldn’t have another gigantic baby and because I know I don’t naturally dialate as much as I’d love to. With him, I took whatever drugs and the epidural whenever possible, as my husband asked me to so that he wouldn’t watch me suffer as much as I had with Leto’s labor. Micah’s labor was only 13 hours though. It was nice, and I felt so much peace.
There have been women I’ve known since I gave birth who told me that they wanted to have all natural drug-free/epidural-free labors and I say to them, “If you do it, that’s awesome, but don’t deny taking the help if you are in a lot of pain or are in need of some extra help.” They shrug me off and have their birth plan strictly written out, and then after they have their kids they end up saying their labor was nothing as they had planned and say that they thought about what I told them and gave into the help offered.
While giving birth in a normal way actually does do a natural cleansing of the baby’s body, if a c-section has to happen, then definitely it is worth doing to save the child. They don’t seem to be a fun way of labor at all, but some women definitely need them.
I’m proud of you and am glad that you have your two beautiful children no matter what. Praise God for the blessings He has bestowed upon you both!!! They are wonderful!
Oh my! Your boys gave you a hard time too! Those boys! I am just so glad you got it figured out, and your beautiful boys are happy and face now with their beautiful mama :)
Thank you Victoria!! I agree 100%. Every woman is different and so is their situation… if there are no complications, than I am quite sure a natural birth is ideal (I guess it’s just a little hard to determine that ahead of time). My mother had me naturally, and she talks about it VERY modestly. I thinks that’s the way it should be… As mother’s, we have certain bragging rights (IE, our child’s accomplishments) but when it comes to labor stories, we are all just a tad too sensitive to accept another woman’s stories which are boastful… so maybe what I’m trying to say here is, it’s all in the attitude?
Love,
Aya
My original birth plan was to go nruatal with a vaginal birth for as long as possible. I was in labor for almost 30 hours and pushed for about 3. I tried my best, but I couldn’t handle the contractions after 20 hours of labor. I was 7cm dilated, and I felt accomplished. There are times when I do feel like I failed. So many women can give birth without an epidural. Why can’t I? Every labor is different, and while I feel like I have “failed,” I also wouldn’t have done it any differently. I still intend on having the same birth plan the next time around.
Thank you so much for sharing your birth stories. I think you definitely made the right decision to have a csection, and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.
My first son was an induced labour, emergency csection (his heart rate dropped dramatically), nearly 10 pound at birth, but he was healthy and that was the most important thing. Fast forward 4 yrs later, I decide that I wanted to try for a vaginal birth after a previous csection. I went into natural labour with my second son, but the further along the labour progressed something didn’t seem right. Against the midwifes suggestions to stay at home, my husband rushed me to the hospital. The midwife met us there, my water broke, and they found that I was 7 cms dilated, but I was in excruciating pain and bleeding profusely. The midwife kept saying everything was fine, but an obstetrician popped his head in the door, said that it didn’t look right, and they rushed me in for a csection. It was found that I’d had a placental abruption (placenta coming out before the baby). In surgery I flat lined, my son came out blue (again, nearly 10 pound) but thankfully they were able to revive both of us without any serious complications. I have had a lot of mental health issues that have arisen because of this, but I am thankful that we are both alive. So, after going through both these events, whenever I hear anyone criticising or judging a woman for having a csection, or think she is any less of a woman for having one, I just shake my head. Sometimes these things have to be done….for the safety of the mum and the baby. I now have two beautiful boys (7yrs old and nearly 3yrs old), and I have my battle scar and I’m proud of it ;)
Hugs (sorry for my ramblings…lol)
Alli xxoo
Oh my goodness Alli @_@ That is QUITE the story! I am so happy everything ended up well… congratulations to you for all of yours and your baby’s hard work! Isn’t it strange… with these horror stories, you grip tight to them and feel a certain proudness. For a while, I was ashamed of my descision to have a c-section and even sometimes the same whenever people would bring up epidurals. Now I feel happy with the descisions I made, because I know despite my vain embarrassment that I can’t “compete” with au natural labor stories, I consciously realize I did what was reccomended to me for the sake of my babies. Yep, we do what we gotta do (for them) :)
Love,
Aya
So true Aya.
At the end of the day, as long as you and your bub come out healthy at the end, that is the main thing. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about how you give birth. You do what is the best and safest way for you and your baby during the situation at that time. You now have two beautiful children because of your hard work (having babies definitely doesn’t tickle lol! ;) )
Hugs xoxoxo
I heart epidural. In fact, I got one even broefe I felt any contractions. My water broke 2 days broefe labor and I had to be induced because it just wasn’t happening. So right after they hooked me up with everything, I asked for the epidural. They had to re-insert it for me when I got up to 3cm though because the person that did it the first time was too green and it didn’t work. But after the 2nd try, it was just smooth sailing. I did feel intense pressure between 7cm – 9cm dilated. I don’t think there is anything wrong with getting pain relief. In fact, I think I pushed for only 46 minutes because I didn’t feel any pain and was able to “work”. Otherwise, I don’t think I could have pushed him out! I had an amazing labor and delivery experience and that’s because of the epidural.
I was very much in amazement withcang this video. I knew that this could be done, but to really see it happen, birth of twins with no hysterics, was inspirational! I loved the obvious support network she had and really appreciated being able to see that she took the time in between the births of the twins to lie down and side nurse her son before getting back in the pool to birth her daughter. I am especially touched by how easy the births were. During crowning and then the birth of the shoulders and body, there was no verbal indication that it was happening. She just relaxed and allowed the births to unfold without forcing, like what I witnessed of your second birth.What a wonderful affirmation of the natural process of birth and the capability of women to birth comfortably, calmly and silently if they choose. Beautiful, just beautiful!
Thank you for sharing your story- it brought tears to my eyes.
I love hearing birth stories and yours was beautiful.
May I share mine?
I gave birth to my first little girl just over a year ago (a year already?!) and I chose a natural birth (Midwives, Doula, birthing tub, etc).
Everything went fine at first (i.e., excruciatingly painful, lol), and after 12hrs of active labor I finally popped her out.
But then I hemorrhaged, my blood pressure dropping to 40/60. I remember thinking, “this is the last time I will see my husband…and hold my baby.”
But, my Midwife wasn’t about to let me die! She took action and kept me from bleeding out until the paramedics arrived. I will forever hold her in my heart.
After a two-day hospital stay (and blood transfusion) to recover, I got to go home (and take two months before I fully felt like myself again).
When I look back now, I remember the fear, the pain…but I choose to focus instead on my beautiful (healthy!) little girl.
Will I choose the same type of birth next time?
Yes.
But as you said, it is each woman’s CHOICE; each woman has to weigh the options.
Every birth is beautiful.
Thank you for listening. :)
(By the way- your children are beautiful! You go mama!)
Thank you Hannah! Yiu have SUCH an amazing story! I’m sure as scary as it was, you are also filled with a deep, humble proudness for fighting and winning such a difficult battle! I’m so happy everything ended well, and congratulations on your sweet daughter! :))
Much much love,
Aya
Congrats Hannah on the birth of your little girl, and I’m so glad to hear that everything turned out safely and well in the end. Big hugs! :)
Xoxoxo
Aya, you’re right that people are very judgmental about other’s experience’s with their labor stories. Sometimes I over-share and I’ve had people over-share with me. I hear what you’re saying.
The context that I try to put everything in is that we are all different. We have different bodies, different genetic make-up, and so we’re going to have different experiences with pregnancy and giving birth. Giving birth is no joke. It’s work. Regardless of how you do it, it takes a toll on our bodies.
As a woman, I just want to be respectful of others decisions because I feel like the media and our society wants to us to be against each other. It’s not a competition. It’s our lives. We have to figure out our own paths whether we work from home, are employed outside the home or home, public, or private. Even when we decide to have kids or decide against it. We don’t have to agree. We just all need to be respectful.
Thank you for sharing your story. Good for standing up for your self. Best to you and your lovely family.
Thank you so much, Renee! I wish we could all just share our delivery stories a little more openly without a sense of competition… As scary as my story was at the time, I am very OK with it now since I have a healthy happy boy to show for it :) I truly believe all birthing methods are OK, and it’s really hard to know ahead of time which one is best for YOU… so, you just make the best descision that you can, you know? There really is no right or wrong :)
Much love,
Aya
i loved reading your birth stories, aya. thank you for being so open and sharing them. i think that while we women are good at supporting each other, we are also (unfortunately) really good at tearing each other down. i hear similar things that you have about c-sections, etc. the same thing happens with breastfeeding. i have a friend who was unable to nurse her first son (though she tried through bloody cracked nipples and many visits with the lactation consultant). another woman announced at a playgroup (knowing full well what my friend’s experience was) that women who nurse their children have a stronger bond with them. the thing is, we mothers feel enough guilt and it’s so sad when the source of our hurt feelings or the source of the judgment comes from other women.
so, good on you for writing this and sharing with us all. i haven’t visited your blog for a while, but i’m glad i stopped by.
xo
n
n
Thank you Norbyah!!! I agree, I’ve noticed this about women too! It’s really quite sad… and yes, even breastfeeding seems to strike a competitive heart within women. I do breastfeed, but it’s just because I am ABLE to… there’s no reason to use that to “one-up” another woman :( Agreed, agreed aggreed.
Love,
Aya
The epidural was good for the pain. The only thing is i had comaoicptilns where they hit something in my spine, the medicine got to me too fast and paralyzed my lungs & i stopped breathing on the operating table getting a c-section. Then a few days later i ended up with spinals headaches becuase the fluid around my brain was leaking from the pin hole they put in my spine. It was horrible! So i had a bit of a horror story, but in all honesty, i would get an epidural again and pray i dont have the oops like last time!
Thank you for sharing this. I don’t have children yet, but I’m looking forward to it. And it breaks my heart how judgmental and superior women can be to each other about the childbirth experience, rather than being supportive about ALL of our experiences. I really appreciate reading yours, and especially appreciate that you reminded me that all childbirth is a real experience for women, however they choose to undertake it. One isn’t more authentic or meaningful than another.
Thanks Laura!!! Just don’t use my expierence to scare you off from having kids or anything! lol :)
YES, I love that “all childbirth is a real experience for women, however they choose to undertake it. One isn’t more authentic or meaningful than another” that sums up EVERYTHING I was saying in one simple sentence. HA!
Love,
Aya
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I’m very torn about whether or not I’ll end up wtnaing an epidural. On the one hand, I’m looking at my mother who gave birth to four children naturally, sans epidural. The first two were twins, born vaginally. So I don’t want to seem like a wuss compared to her. But as I’m not really sure what my pain tolerance will be. Ideally, I’d like to go as long as I can without any drugs, but I don’t want to end up going so long that I can’t get them if I really want them. But I’d really like to be able to walk around and labor in different positions than just lying down, and I know that you can’t do that with some epidurals. But since I’m just now in my first regular cycle post MC, it’s all pretty theoretical at this point. If DH had his way, I think I’d be walking around with an epidural throughout my entire pregnancy ;). He hates to see me in any type of pain.
Yes Lucien’s delivery was rough I remember the dr. saying to turn of the video camera while we try to recesitate him! Then after what seemed like forever a nurse said he was breathing. The next thing I know I’m waking up on a couch with a nurse forcing o.j. down my throat.
You may have passed out on me, but you were still an amazing support system! I was so happy to have you (and mom/dad) there for me… being surrounded by those closet to me created such a peace within me and gave me the most bravory I’ve ever mustered up! :)
Love you.
I think it’s really important to have this kind of dialogue. Thank you for sharing. (Also, I love your blog!)
I’ve never commented on your blog before, I like looking at the pretty pictures and neat little ideas. But I wanted to say thank you for sharing this story with strangers, it can’t have been easy.
I don’t have children yet, but I can’t wait to have them, and you have in no way put me off. The more real life stories I hear the more convinced I am that this is what I want in life, and the more prepared I am for the horrors! It’s great to hear a full range of experiences so that when my time hopefully comes, I know that there are many options, and it’s a personal choice.
So thank you again, this was a lovely Monday evening story to read, and your children seem adorable.
Great blog!
xo.
From hats to heels
http://www.fromhatstoheels.com
Congratulations on such beautiful babies, and thank you for sharing your story with us!
xo/Allison
Thanks lovely!!! :)
this is a great post, and i’m glad you made it. it’s sort of strange that “natural birth” is held up as an ideal, (what other medical procedure would you say no to drugs for?) but i can see why. i feel like women are pitted against each other a lot these days to be the best mother they can be (with breastfeeding, with working vs staying at home, etc.) and it can get competitive and ugly. i think you made the right decision for yourself and for your children. as long as you’re both healthy, that’s what matters. for some people that can be a home birth without drugs, for other’s a c-section. we’re all different and we’re lucky to have modern medicine and a variety of options available for us.
i also have to say it stings me a little, personally, when people hate on “unnatural birth” since i was born on a scheduled date from a c-section because i was weeks overdue. my mother and i have a bond that we’ve built over the almost 24 years i’ve been around and i don’t think a “natural” birth would have made a difference.
Love this post! We’re thinking of having a baby soon.. so this post really made me feel good about wanting to do it in a hospital. Though, I agree all birthing stories are beautiful! xo
Is it silly that I’d be so excited for you to have a baby?! hehe XD Becoming a mother is the most significant aspect of my life. Not that it’s all about “my feelings”… but it brought true meaning to my existence. There is such a love you’ve never experienced before, and all you want is to see your little ones happy in life. Utter Joy. Completion. Satisfaction. Basically… when you do decide to have children, you wont regret it :)
Love,
Aya
Thank-you so much for sharing your beautiful stories! I was very moved.
I am in the middle of my second pregnancy and decided after my first that I was going to have an epidural next time if I need it. From the time my water broke, to the time my first child came out it was near to 24 hours. I was able to manage my pain until I got a different back pain (not back labour) that was from an old injury. It really acted up and actually may have stopped me from dilating at 5cm. The doctor upped my epidural to a block because the pain was so bad and intense. He gave me oxytocin so that I would dilate all the way and it worked! They were able to “unfreeze me” once I was dilated enough to push and I had him vaginally.
It was so hard for me to accept the epidural at the time though… I bawled! This time around I think I know better, but I still feel an intense pressure to say no to drugs under any circumstances which is CRAZY!
I feel SO encouraged by your story and your speaking out, Thank-you Thank-you. Enjoy your little ones :))
Good luck with bub number 2! Sending you BIG good luck hugs :)
Thank you for sharing this beautiful sweet story with us, at least after all these you have two adorable kids! :)
Ps. You are amazing x.
Thank you for sharing your experience. My mother had 4 C-sections, I’m her eldest. The fourth one was too risky and no doctor even wanted to take her but she delivered my youngest sister safely and went for ligation afterwards. I don’t have a baby yet although my Hubby and I are planning for our first baby in about 3-4 years time.
I am usually horrified by birth stories because I know than my family has had a history of birth difficulties. Even my grandmother delivered via C-Section. Narrow hips run in the family and we definitely have very high chances of “tearing”. I sometimes feel sad and doubtful about the amount of mother’s instincts I have– whether it will be enough considering I’ve long decided not to go for normal delivery–whenever I read about how others talk about natural birth and delivery like it’s the only way a mother can truly connect with her baby and that all female bodies were created equal to endure and manage delivery easily and safely.
But your story reminded me that at the end of the day, the experience is going to be as beautiful with or without the pain, with or without the scar, as long as it’s something I know I’m meant to do. And although it’ll still be 3-4 years from now, I know I’m meant to be a mother and I already love my first child even before he/she is born.
Trust me, vaginal birth or csection…..it won’t affect your bonding with your children. Both my boys were emergency csections, I had trouble breast feeding, but neither of these things has affected my relationship with my children. We love each other dearly, and I’d be lost without my two gorgeous snuggle bunnies ;)
Motherhood is a beautiful thing……wouldnt trade it for anything. Wishing you the best of luck and love on your journey to becoming a mum :)
xxoo
Alli, thank you. Your message made me teary for some reason. I’m touched because I really want to be a mother soon and I guess, at this point, I just need a bit more encouragement so I can approach ‘the time’ with enough courage. Thank you for your wonderful story. And ‘snuggle bunnies’ is such a cute term of endearment! :)
@coastinganon – you dictated your expenierce beautifully! that’s exactly how i felt. like you, the main reason i wanted to do a natural birth too was to be able to breastfeed right away and hopefully feel that instant connection without the drugs. i was lucky my labor was only 9 hours long… my friend tried for a natural birth but couldn’t do it because her body just wasn’t cooperating. after 12 hours of natural labor she ended up getting an epidural, then after another 12 hours they found the baby’s head was too big so in the end she had to get a c-section. after 24 hours of labor!! so you just never know!!
Beautiful post and well said. When I fell unexpectedly pregnant a few years ago, I spent the entire 9 months TERRIFIED of what the birth would be like. My mother had had FIVE C-sections and had told me such horror stories. And then my sister-in-law had a REALLY traumatic birth a month before I was due. She had to have surgery afterwards to put her back together, and my nephew was bruised and scarred from the forceps delivery.
I was induced exactly at 40 weeks due to some high risk factors, and my mother and fiance were not allowed to be with me until I was in full-blown labor. I spent about 14 hours on my own, breathing through contractions until the decision was made to move me to the delivery suite, and I was able to call them to come. I made it to 7 cm dilated before I got too scared and accepted an epidural. I PROBABLY needn’t have, but the fear was more overwhelming than the pain, and I gave in.
It slowed my labor down immensely, and it took another several hours before I could finally get on with it. In the end, the baby got in some distress, and they were in the middle of making the call as to whether to take me for a c-section or not, and suddenly he was there! The midwife walked past me to get a chart, and she suddenly did a double-take and shouted, “He’s coming! I see the head!”
My fiance was in the bathroom, so I had to call him to come right away, and he got back just as they told me to push. I gave one half of a grunt, and out he popped. No issues, at all. I had no tears or anything, and he was perfectly healthy, happy and beautiful.
I’ll admit that there were a lot of folks who made me feel guilty about having the epidural. Even my mother said that I was doing so well beforehand that she reckoned I didn’t need it. But I have no regrets. I would rather have had an easy birth with a little help than have spent it all scared and in pain.
I’m due with baby number 2 in February, and I HOPE that I will be less scared, but I wouldn’t hesitate to accept another epidural if I started to worry. I was a much better mother to my son because I was calm and collected after his birth.
Best of luck for bub number 2! Try not to stress. Sending you BIG hugs! :)
Wow your posts are so amazing and this one really inspires me! Keep up the good work girl, and stop by to see my new post!
Kudos to you, Aya for sharing your birth stories. I wanted a natural birth but because of so many factors, I had to have a c-section with my son Jacob and he had to be in the nIcu for two months.
Most importantly, my son was born and having a c-section saved his life.
Yes, it is true all birthing stories are beautiful!
PS. My son will be one tomorrow. So happy he is here.
Happy 1st Birthday Jacob! :)
I really dislike this sort of attitude, of competition between moms-to-be. Every woman is different! :) No judgement! No, c-section aren’t natural, but it’s not like it’s some new surgery that hasn’t been tested and approved…
Besides, “this or that isn’t natural” is a clumsy way of thinking. Antibiotics are not natural either, but aren’t you glad that you can’t die because of a cold? XD
I mean really…*rolls eyes*
I love hearing other women’s birthing stores, it does seem like there has been a large push back against the birthing ideas of the past 50 years and going back to the home-births. (al natural, docha know.) My mom gave birth to six kids and all of us were fairly easy home births, except for my middle brother. there was horrible complications and we ended up almost losing my mom and him and would have lost them if it had been been for a really amazing doctor. Births vary so much, its really hard to just slap one label on all of them and try to shame people into having a drug-free, at home birth. (Its quite stupid! Modern medical is around for a reason.)
I was lucky to have a really amazing midwife team that was very careful. I had my first child at a birthing center and it ended up being really touch and go during the last hour, to the point where the midwives were ready to call the ambulance. In the end I was able to push him out at the birthing center with us both being okay. (Well, I ended up that that tearing, that part is awful! I really feel for you, stage five tearing is hardcore!) My second child was easier, I wasn’t as scared that time around and had a pretty good idea of what the pain would be like and it did feel easier the second time around, even though she ended up being a ten pounder with a huge head. I was pretty lucky in both of my births but I’ve had friends and relatives that haven’t been as lucky and the thought of putting them down for not having a natural birth is really sickening. As women really need to support each other and giving birth is crazy enough with out anyone getting put down for their birthing choices.
I really appreciate that you told this story, its a very honest look at birthing and even though we might have plans for how the process might go, it really ends up being a roll with the punches experience.
Aya, this is such a beautiful post! I love how honest you are. I had a baby 8 weeks ago, I was suppose to have her
“the natural way” vaginally. However my water broke when I was at work! eeek!! Luckily I work with the nicest people ever, my boss drove me to the hospital. When I got there my doctor was not available, my baby arrived 3 weeks too early you see. The doctor who was on call told me I was having the baby that day, but I would need to have a C-section because my baby was breached. I was so scared, when I went to the surgery room to get prepped
I was trembling so much. All I wanted was to hold my baby, and for her to be healthy. The surgery was quick,
and my baby was out in no time. I didn’t feel much pain, they called my husband into the room to cut the umbilical cord. It was really sweet. I agree with you, lots of people told me to take drugs, others said I should go natural because the drugs would affect my baby. But in the end all that matters is you and your baby. I’m glad you are sharing this story, it’s a very special one. Thank you!
It makes me so sad that so many women feel judged about birth choices.. the point of feminism is that we have a CHOICE about our lives, including where and how we decide to give birth! That includes home births and c-sections and epidurals and birth centers.. the important thing is that we remember to SUPPORT each other instead of judging, or feeling insecure or judgey about how someone else chooses to give birth. Sigh. I haven’t even had my little one yet (the countdown is on– 39 weeks now!) and I’m already seeing just how difficult the whole “mommy wars” thing can be, and I’m just not going to participate in any of it, ugh!
<3 Basically: your stories are beautiful and you're awesome.
Thank you for sharing! (I am so late to this post, ha!) Every birth story is so different. No one has personally tried to make me feel bad for how I did it, but I wouldn’t change a thing about my labor. It was the opposite of “natural” – induced, epidural, the doctor broke my water… But it worked so well for me! And the labor experience is nothing compared to the lifetime of being a parent, right? There are so much more important things when you look at the big picture. :)
Wow! Thank you! I constantly needed to write on my blog something like that. Can I implement a portion of your post to my site?
Thank you very much to us to share your blog.
Of course, this was the same boyfriend who literally threw up a little the one time in our two-year relationship I dared to fart in his presence, so in hindsight he had some serious issues when it came to his ideas about women.